7 years later…

Unlike years 1-5, the 6th and 7th anniversary were different in some way.  The agony wasn’t as consuming.  It was certainly still there, but it didn’t capture my heart and wring it dry as it used to.  I still feel as though the world stops when I’m underwater, as I run my hands over the raised, golden words “husband” and “father”.  But as I gaze lovingly at the growing little “trees” making their home there, and I know it’s what Mike would have wanted, the world begins to spin once again.  And as I emerge from the water and share a beer with friends while talking about the years that have passed, I’m actually able to smile instead of cry.  Is this what they mean by only time can heal?  It does feel as though my heart is healing, slowly, achingly slowly, as the days go on and on.  Because I’m able to think about Mike in a beautiful way, most of the time.  There are still moments where I’m stricken with sadness and cannot stop the tears even if I wanted to, but seven years later I’m noticing those moments come less frequently.

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