the man I will create

His “memories” of his dad are only the ones I have sculpted for him.  I can create this image of his father that only he can picture in his mind.  I must do this to give him a sense of who his dad was, and help to mold him into a mere speck of the man his dad used to be.  It is not just to keep him alive, though that’s a big part of it for me.  But it’s also to subconsciously plant seeds in his growing little mind and to bring a smile to his face when he thinks about who his dad was.  I must make a change, because for the first four years of his life, he has lived my sadness.  He only knows that when I think about his dad, I cry.  He only knows my pain.  I can not say with 100% certainty that I will never again allow him to see my eternal grief, but I will promise myself and promise him that I will, from this day forward, do my very best to speak of his dad with a smile on my face and laughter in my voice.

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